This article is SATIRE; all facts, photos, claims and quotes are fake and not factual.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Students from Los Alamitos High School engaged in a battle on school grounds using the toy NeeDohs as weapons. 

Reports from all across campus have stated that a multitude of students from all grades charged towards each other and began to throw small squishies in the form of attack. 

Fortunately, no students were physically injured, but some students have mentioned feeling psychological effects. 

“I feel very shaken up, I mean, I obviously wasn’t expecting to be dodging NeeDohs left and right, so now the sight of them just sends me into a panic,” said 10th-grade student Wyatt Santos. 

So far, anonymous sources have stated that the cause of the fight was to get the last cinnamon treats from the nutrition snack line. The cafeteria had misordered the necessary quantity, and instead of the usual 250 ordered, they only ordered 25. 

This snack is known as the best one on campus, and apparently, it’s worth the brawl. Security camera footage estimated around 210 students fighting in the quad, most using NeeDohs, and other makeshift weapons like pencil cases and Lululemon bags. Other students used testing dividers and whiteboards from the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics building as shields.

“It was so unexpected, and such a shocking display of impropriety from our Griffins. It will be addressed in an all-grade assembly this Monday. Thank you all for your support in this time of disarray,” stated Los Alamitos Unified School District in an email-blast to the LAHS community. 

It is logical to believe that a school-wide ban on NeeDohs will take place after the assembly. While the toys were initially used to relieve stress in the student body, it has evolved into a threat to LAHS’ safety. 

The LAHS community must stick together through this hard time and keep moving forward after this shocking event. After all, Griffins are stronger together.