The viral dumplings that took over the internet (Photo courtesy of Neeyah Lalau).

This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – Last Friday, chaos took place in the Los Alamitos High School courtyard when Sasha Paige was given her birthday present from her best friend. She was sent into a state of shock after finally getting her hands on the viral glitter dumpling squishy from Five Below. 

Witnesses said that it was a normal day, people were going about their lunch, talking and laughing with their friends. All of a sudden, Paige’s best friend, Missy Townsend, walked over to her and handed her a bag for her birthday. Paige was confused about what might be in there. As she opened the bag, she found five of the viral dumpling squishy packages. 

Paige had fire in her eyes when she was opening each package one by one, hoping and praying for the glitter dumpling. As she got to the fifth one, she started shaking as she ripped open the package. Several of her friends gathered around her while she ripped off the outer wrapping. All of a sudden, she opened the package and saw she had gotten the rare glitter dumpling. 

“She just froze, she was staring at it as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Almost like she found treasure or a winning lottery ticket,” said her best friend, Missy Townsend.

Several other people said she froze and people tried to get her to come back to her senses. All attempts failed and she just sat there, looking at the dumpling, squishing it with her hand. People attempted to ask her if she was okay, but she simply sat there, staring off into space. 

“It was like she was discovering a new meaning of life and that life was squishy,” said another witness. 

Paramedics were not called to the scenes, but the school nurse and administrators checked on the situation. They cleared the scene and took Paige into the nurse’s office. The nurse later said that she was in shock for a total of 20 minutes. When she finally got back to her senses, she looked right at it again and could not believe what had happened. 

Doctors and scientists are telling people this is called the “Glitter Dumpling Fever.” The fever is spreading quickly across all ages. These squishies appear on desks, in bags, on fields and pretty much everywhere. Many students can not believe people are spending so much time and money on the dumplings, while others understand the hype and are waiting for their chance to get some.