This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional. 

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — It’s becoming difficult to skate elegantly across campus without seeing some of the hairstyles inspired by 2026 Milan Cortina winter Olympics gold medal champion Alysa Liu.

This new tree-ring-inspired hairstyle is making people suddenly turn into trees with little to no explanation.

“It’s disturbing,” said Jane Doe after watching her friend become a tree. “Alysa Liu is destroying society one tree ring at a time.”

Liu has gained popularity both for her Olympic performance and for her hair, which has been called “tree rings,” with one bleach ring getting added every year, making her look like a tree, and for some, turning them into a tree.

“I’ve never had so many young kids request the same style. This is conformity at its finest,” said hairdresser Martha Ann.

Students across campus have been spotted with bleached rings and are being warned to quickly dye their hair back to a natural color in order to avoid further loss of normalcy. 

“It was never my intention to cause harm,” said Liu in a public statement.

Teachers across campus are seeing their class sizes decrease rapidly at 200% per second. 

A new club on campus, Save the Students, is going around to homes, businesses and classrooms to raise awareness for this cause. 

“After losing my best friend to the tree rings, I felt a calling to help our world heal,” said James Thomson, president of Save the Students.

To stay protected, Target is banning the sale of bleach and hair dye in order to protect future generations from harm. Local salons are shutting down temporarily or are permanently closed in order to hide from any backlash, as many feel like they are to blame for the epidemic.

Stay safe griffins, don’t fall victim to the vicious attacks of the tree rings!