This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – The room is dark and, though the blinds are closed as tight as possible to ensure the exile of the sun, light peeks through, leaving a glow in the room. Math worksheets sit on the brown desk in the corner. A notebook is opened to a page full of random numbers and shapes that, by first glance, look like gibberish. An alarm goes off in the still room, filling it with chaos. Paige Absentee flips over, switches it off and rolls back over to her comfortable position. For Absentee, the decision required little thought. The possibility of attending first period had already made itself irrelevant.

On various mornings, students face similar situations where they have to make the difficult decision of whether or not to go to school. In many cases, the looming anticipation of what the day will bring fills young scholars with dread and disinterest. The lack of motivation these students feel and the avoidance of discomfort leads to the countless absences schools all over America face. Throughout the past two years, these unexcused absences have significantly increased at Los Alamitos High School.

“I used to see one or two kids missing constantly. Now, I see 10 or 15,” Ms. Page, an English II teacher at LAHS said.

Worried about the rapidly increasing ditching rates, LAHS has tried many punishments as well as rewards to try to convince kids to attend school. 

“I have been threatened with detentions and Saturday schools before,” Avery Late, a sophomore at LAHS said.

Though many kids fear having a truancy on their permanent record, this punishment is not enough. In addition, most teachers disregard their students’ absences and continue with their own business. 

“They have also tried to say they’ll give us a cord at graduation for attending 20 days in a row, but why would I want that when I can stay at home in my bed?” Late said.

On March 30, Absentee ignored her alarm and went back to sleep. Her parents came barging into her room an hour later complaining about the five Saturday schools she now had to serve. It was the first documented sign that concern over attendance policies had entered the household.

“I didn’t know (the school was) going to do anything. I mean they haven’t in the past and my parents haven’t cared, so why would I have to start going now?” Absentee, a junior at LAHS said. 

Absentee rushed to school and was there by second period. Everyone, including her teacher, was shocked to see her because she hadn’t been to school that early on a Wednesday in years. 

“I’m not a bad kid. I just believe learning should happen when I feel emotionally available, which usually isn’t before noon.” said Absentee.

That weekend, Absentee did not attend Saturday school because she believed the truancies were only a threat to get her to school. 

“It’s kind of unfair because I have never done anything wrong but missed a couple days of school. I get good grades, respect my teachers and pay attention in class so I don’t understand,” Absentee said.

While missing school is often framed as harmful, many students argue it offers essential benefits: extra sleep, less stress and the rare opportunity to experience daylight from somewhere other than a classroom window. If attendance only interferes with personal comfort, many wonder whether education is really worth the inconvenience at all.