Joshua Lopez Hernandez

The new Gigantesca cup from Starbucks, not available with select drinks.

This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — With the popularity of the Trenta size for Starbucks’ world-famous iced coffee and refreshers, the coffee company is now offering a new size, one that is 14 ounces more than their Trenta cups. A representative of the Starbucks Board of Directors released a statement discussing the importance of this cup and why it will renew the profitability of the company.

“After years of releasing pointless merchandise and conducting research on what our customers buy from us, we have ultimately decided that due to the influx of sleep-deprived students stopping at our stores, we are proud to present the new Gigantesca sized cup exclusive for iced coffee and select hot coffee drinks,” said Starbucks board representative, Tom Wilkinson.

The new size is available for purchase across thousands of locations across the country. Sales figures have shown that in the first week, the new 44 ounce cup size has been a best seller, particularly in Southern California Starbucks locations. 

Anticipation for these cups has been high since customers have been asking for a bigger cup size than the already large 31-ounce Trenta as early as 2017. Now that the Gigantesca sized cup is available for purchase, they have been making Starbucks more profitable than ever before. 

Local seniors, 74-year-old Karen McKamera and 95-year-old Shanon DeBbusy went to their nearby Starbucks to try the brand new Gigatesca Caramel Macchiato.

“I love how Starbucks listens to their customers and I am so glad that we as customers are making an impact on the community,” said DeBbusy in an interview.

The new size has only been out for a week and is already making its mark on Starbucks history. Sales will only continue to grow and so will its popularity.