This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions, and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — On the morning of March 17, students at Los Alamitos High School marked their teacher tardy after he arrived exactly six minutes after the bell rang.

The teacher, Mr. Crumwell, a chemistry teacher at LAHS, is known for strictly enforcing school policies. He has even given out detentions to students who are tardy more than three times a week, regardless of circumstance, even the weather. So when he came rushing into his classroom at 8:36 a.m. with a coffee stain on his shirt, students were furious.

“We’re just tired of Mr. Crumwell marking us late all the time, even when we are only like 30 seconds late. So, we decided to give him a taste of his own medicine,” said Ava Marshall, a sophomore at LAHS.

Mr. Crumwell is also widely known for riding an electric scooter to and from school every day. Apparently, that Tuesday morning, there were some complications with this method of transportation.

“That morning, my scooter had trouble turning on, and I accidentally spilled hot coffee on my shirt at a stoplight. However, I’ve always believed in accountability, and my students definitely held me accountable,” said Mr. Crumwell.

According to many student accounts, moments after the incident, students unofficially elected sophomore Matt Baker as the attendance monitor, and he was the one who marked Mr. Crumwell tardy on Aeries.

“We were just doing what Mr. Crumwell has been doing to us all year,” said Baker. “We were holding him up to the standards that he holds us to.”

There have been mixed reactions from students and faculty about the incident. Some agreed with the students’ choice to mark Mr. Crumwell, while others felt this decision was out of place.

“While the rules were followed, they were followed in a way that made everyone deeply uncomfortable,” said geometry and Algebra II teacher, Mrs. Chen.

As of now, school administrators have not yet announced whether Mr. Crumwell’s tardiness will result in consequences, but they have confirmed that they are deeply investigating school policies and the events of that Tuesday morning.