This article is SATIRE: Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — In the halls of LAHS, students now exercise their curious minds by ditching class in the name of bathroom breaks. It is now a growing trend where students say they are going to the bathroom as a way to leave class to wander and explore campus, a necessity in order for them to lower their cortisol levels.
It all starts with a normal day in class. An intelligent, easily-distracted student raises their hand, yelling out, “Bathroom break!” When the clueless teacher allows them to go, this is where it all begins; this is where our hero, Porky Smalls, goes off on a remarkable journey of self-discovery and class skipping.
The hero at last explores the seemingly boring halls, only to the naked eye, of course. To Smalls, he is a courageous adventurer, discovering hidden passageways, rescuing other students from their miserable classes and inviting them on his adventures. Together, they go on a daily quest in the wild, keeping cautious of the guards waiting to end their mission. After their long quest, they brainstorm and prepare excuses to cover for their top-secret missions.
“Why on God’s green earth would I ever stay trapped surrounded by brain-washed folks when I could be out there, exploring my curious mind,” said Smalls.
Smalls takes his role as an adventurer very seriously, recruiting only the best of the bunch. He decided to pick Buckwheat Barley Junior (BB Junior), to be his sidekick and put him under his wing.
“I trained all my life to be Smalls’ sidekick! He’s so fierce and adventurous. The moment he rescued me from the misery of Mr. Tantrum’s class, I knew I wanted to help him rescue others!” said BB Junior.
With his crew of adventurers, Smalls created a legacy. They rescued countless endangered students from their boredom, showing them the true meaning of life: being able to open their minds freely exploring the world, one school bathroom at a time.
