This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional. 

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – The epidemic of cringe millennials is becoming worse and worse. 

Millennials, since the 2020s, have been coming down with a terrible disease: the cringe millennial pandemic. With the rise of Jim Carrey’s cringe and bizarre humor of the 1990s, millennials have been inexplicably speaking in baby voices, make baby-like facial movements and lip sync to cringe sounds. With the millennial “Cheese tax” trend, millennials are heavily diseased. 

“THE CHEESE TAX THE CHEESE TAX THE CHEESE TAX THE CHEESE TAX,” shouted millennial and mental health hospital patient Crin Ge as he walked back and forth.

Other millennials, infected with the MILEN23 disease, have a strange obsession with food and Disneyland, eating food almost like a rat and doing a food happy dance. They tend to be focused on their language deficits and have difficulty speaking. 

“I don’t talk like a baby, babies talk like me,” said @meghanmcCathy on TikTok, talking in a ridiculously high-pitched baby-like voice. 

Another issue is the millennial pause. Millennials spent 400 minutes before talking in videos in fear they will explode if they start the video early. 

“……..(500 minute pause)….Yeah, I don’t think the millennial pause is an issue,” said TikToker @mill33nall. 

Even simple things like pumpkin-spiced flavored cream cheese gives millennials compulsions to make strange noises and faces. 

“DO you know what I found? You cannot see it? Let me show you what it looks like. DO you know what this is? It’s pumpkin spice cream cheese for my crispy bread,” said @auntielisaaaaaaaaaa. 

Even cheesy bread seems to do the trick. 

“Insert cheesy bread,” said millennial @Keepbippin. 

Sometimes millennials even obsess over potatoes. 

“In many ways I am a potato. I am filled with carbs. My skin is definitely a little rough and bumpy. And I’m very content doing virtually nothing. So yeah I’m a potato!” said TikToker @carlybeann. 

Some millennials believe that they are not cringe and that their humor is hilarious.

“I hate Gen Z. You can keep your skinny jeans. But just remember who you got it from,” said Ega Tistaniel. 

There’s some hope against the millennial epidemic. Current Gen Alpha scientists and doctors are researching a cure. 

“I have found the only cure to solve the millennial epidemic: Get rid of millennials,” said Gen Z doctor Mark Tark.