This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional. 

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Breaking news, Mrs. Franzen, Los Alamitos High School Advanced Placement English Literature and Journalism teacher, was spotted walking into campus with only one Venti Starbucks cup, not her infamous two cups! 

This marks the first time in recent history where Mrs. Franzen has bravely fought her caffeine addiction, shocking Starbucks baristas throughout the Southern California community.

“She orders 10,000 mg of caffeine per drink, per day. She drinks two so it’s adding up to 20,000 mg of caffeine a day,” said Starbucks barista Joe Adler, a longtime crafter of Mrs. Franzen’s daily coffees.

Students were further appalled and expressed their concern for their teacher who lacked her typical caffeine personality buzz.

“I’m concerned about her and I hope she is doing well during this intense period of caffeine withdrawal,” said one of Mrs. Franzen’s students, Ernest Steinbeck.

The Starbucks stock plummeted 2,000% when she didn’t buy her two daily coffees sending Wall Street into a panic. 

“I’m not sure how I will feed my family,” said finance bro, Joey Smith.

The president had announced another recession comparable to Black Tuesday, which began the Great Depression, as families have lost their homes and income due to the severe stock market crash.

Due to the country’s perceived economic weakness, Mojtaba Khamenei is the newly appointed Supreme Leader of Iran and has declared that he will be reopening the Strait of Hormuz out of pity for the small international leader’s struggling economy. 

The Starbucks Chief Executive Officer posted to the company’s website a formal plea for others to take on the previous habits of Mrs. Franzen in order to save the company from bankruptcy has made its coffee prices soar up to $1,000 per drink, with an added $500 for every size increase or add on.

“I just wasn’t that tired today,” said Mrs. Franzen when asked why she cut back on caffeine.