LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Since the advent of social media and the growth of online streaming platforms, like TikTok and YouTube, a new generation of influencers has taken the stage: the momfluencers and dadfluencers. This new group posts content solely about how they raise their children, but, has this influenced how everyday parents raise their children too? What are these parenting trends, and are they really all that?

What is “gentle parenting”?

Gentle parenting is a new approach to parenting that has recently taken the internet by storm. 

According to the Positive Psychology website, this method advocates for the use of emotional empathy, respect and understanding to foster a deeper parent-child relationship and resolve conflicts respectfully and without disrespect. 

Under this method, parents avoid offering rewards or punishments for a child’s behavior and instead try to give children choices instead of orders and firm boundaries. 

“The gently parented child, the theory goes, learns to recognize and control her emotions because a caregiver is consistently affirming those emotions as real and important,” reports an article from the New Yorker. “The parent provides a model for keeping one’s cool, but no overt incentives for doing so—the kid becomes a person who is self-regulating, kind, and conscientious because she wants to be, not because it will result in ice cream.”

Counterculture parenting

For some, this new method is quite controversial, with some parents believing that using these techniques sets unrealistic expectations that the child will always respond positively to a first attempt using empathy. Some argue that this style of parenting makes parents feel like they’re “doing it wrong” if they are unable to meet this standard, reports Psychology Today.

However, Motherly reports that the idea of gentle parenting is not a new one. 

“Swinging away from harsher parenting styles of the last century (parents in the early 1900s were even told to touch and play with their babies as little as possible), a new emphasis on understanding and sensitively responding to children emerged,” said Mariel Benjamin, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker from Motherly.

Do psychologists support the use of such methods?

Many psychologists instead advocate for a mix of authoritative parenting with gentle parenting. Often described as a mix between parental warmth and firm limits, Psychology Today reports that authoritative parenting has often been associated with the healthiest kids.

“Authoritative parenting emerged as a response to extremes: too much control vs too little on the other. It has definitely become more popular in recent years,” Ms. Smith, a Los Alamitos High School Wellness Center staff member, said.

For some psychologists, incorporating authoritative parenting would help balance out some concerns that gentle parenting can be too permissive, particularly in situations where empathy fails.

“I think for some people, they want to be like their kids’ friends, right? And so, I think that’s great when your kids become adults, right? Like my mom and I are really close, really good friends, but it would not have served me well if she were my best friend growing up, because then she wouldn’t be able to instill in me responsibility or consequences for my actions,” Ms. Chang, a LAHS Wellness Center staff member, said. 

However, the general consensus amongst psychologists is that no parenting style, despite what others may claim, is one size fits all.

“Each family is different. Parenting styles differ, and each child has different needs,” Ms. Chang said.