LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — While it seems that feminist movements are ever-increasing, boy moms, who facilitate sexism, are also on the rise.

What is a boy mom?

“A boy mom is a slang to refer to a specific kind of parent who is perceived as being overly fixated on their male children,” Mary Walrath-Holdridge of USA Today said.

However, this definition is too sympathetic to boy moms, in my opinion. The term boy moms has developed to refer to internally misogynistic women who grew up lacking male attention. They promote emotional incest, overstepping of boundaries and sexism through their disturbing actions.

“I grew up with two older brothers, and they were definitely my mom’s favorites. She criticized everything I did and still does. I have two boys and a girl now, and she will never feel what I did,” an anonymous son shared on the blog Scary Mommy.

According to Scary Mommy, victims of boy moms are not alone. Boy-mom sexism is prevalent in many cultures, especially immigrant and Asian American households.

A Netmums survey found that 90% of mothers prefer their sons over daughters. Moms are twice as likely to be critical of their daughters as their sons, and more than 50% say they feel a stronger connection with their sons than their daughters. Over one in five mothers said they punish their daughters for behavior they would ignore with their boys.

Why are there boy moms?

Psychological factors

The current boy-mom fixation can be explained by psychology.

Sigmund Freud, a 19th-century Austrian neurologist, explained the psychology behind the boy-mom complex, which he called “the Oedipus complex.” 

“Freud theorized that every man secretly harbors an unconscious infatuation with their mother and wants to kill his father and date his mother. Similarly, Freud also theorized that women hate their daughters and secretly want to marry their sons and fathers,” Mr. Anderson, a Los Alamitos High School psychology teacher, said. 

While inaccurate, this theory reflects some truth about the boy-mom epidemic. Psychology Today theorizes that narcissistic boy moms love their sons and hate their daughters out of jealousy for their success. 

“A narcissistic mother may perceive her daughter as a threat. If attention is drawn away from the mother, the child may suffer retaliation, put-downs and punishments. The mother can be jealous of her daughter for many reasons — her looks, her youth, material possessions, accomplishments, education and even the girl’s relationship with the father,” Psychology Today writer Karyl McBride said.

Besides an underlying sense of jealousy, hatred for one’s daughter can also indicate more serious mental health issues; according to Why Do Mom, boy moms might have unaddressed past traumas or abuse, internalized misogyny and difficulty forming healthy relationships. This manifests in unrealistic expectations for her daughters and an unhealthy obsession with her sons.

Social factors

Outside of the mind, the “boy-mom effect” is influenced by stereotypes and the mistreatment of women.

These moms were taught different, borderline sexist values when they were raised. When boy moms grew up, women were taught male superiority and were only respected if they surpassed their brothers and followed traditional female stereotypes. Boy moms displace these attitudes on their daughters by stereotyping and mistreating them, leading to a continuous cycle of toxic and sexist parenting.

Moreover, the mistreatment of women often plays a big role in the development of a boy mom. Many of these mothers are stuck in a constant cycle of bad relationships with men, with their fathers, spouses and ex-boyfriends. However, when boy moms get a son, he gives them the love, attention, care and respect they have never received from men, causing boy moms to view their sons as an escape or a replacement husband.

Why are boy moms problematic?

This pattern of boy-mom behavior is concerning and should not be as normalized as it is. 

The affection boy-mom children receive comes with the consequences of overattachment and lack of boundaries, causing issues with change and self-regulation.

These women obsess over their boy children’s lives and shelter them from the sobering realities of the world. Through this unhealthy behavior, boy moms establish themselves as their sons’ main provider, making their sons dependent on women and vulnerable in the face of adversity. 

Constantly fussed over, boy moms’ sons lack the drive to reach for opportunities and socialize due to their mother’s lack of encouragement to do so. Often punished for having relationships with women, men feel unable to have healthy relationships like friends or girlfriends. 

In addition to facilitating stereotypes and discrimination, boy-mother culture furthers the idea that men can do anything without consequence.

While this can apply to less harmful issues like excusing bad grades or temporary bad behavior, it also raises feminist concerns. With boy moms constantly using the “boys will be boys” excuse to explain their sons’ mistakes, these privileged men feel deserving of everything, including women. Furthermore, since they were given everything from their mother as a child, these men likely expect this treatment from other women, causing them to ignore a woman’s consent and look at women as inferior servants or their property.

The sexism prevalent in boy-mom culture is shown by how these mothers never punish their boys for violence and nonconsensual touch against women and encourage their sons to stereotype and sexualize women.

“What scares me is that this trend is steeped in the broth of rape culture. There is not an ounce of consent in any of the (so many) short videos I watched while researching this article,” Mikhal Weiner, Parents blog writer said. “The children are not consenting to being objectified by their mothers, the mothers are not consenting to being treated poorly by their sons and husbands. The girls aren’t consenting to being princessified by their parents, the boys aren’t consenting to being dudefied by theirs.”

Amid the Roe v. Wade controversy, the 4B movement and increasing femicide, favoring a gender is obsessive and based on centuries-old ideals. Boy-mom behavior, creating sexist sons and depressed daughters, is a huge issue. Boy-mom children deserve more than being stereotyped, abused and neglected.

“These stereotypes don’t allow us to see a child as a unique individual, and that’s never good. When I see a mom with a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude, I think it’s a shame,” Israeli mother Ella Shalvi-Entelis said in a Parents article. “Those kids need help learning to regulate their emotions and behavior.”