This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif –After a radical 314-day study, a group of researchers have found an inexplicable connection between math level and depression score for kids ages 11-17. Throughout the past year, numerous studies have ultimately concluded that as kids’ math level increases, their depression score sharply increase as well.
However, this groundbreaking experiment proves to be extremely surprising for many professionals; the scientists conducting the experiment were particularly shocked at their findings.
Aside from the scientists, the students involved in the experiment themselves were gravely affected with post-traumatic stress after their participation. The increased exposure to the numbers themselves have proven to have an extremely negative effect on the kids.
“I can’t even look at numbers anymore,” AP Intro to Trigonometry BC student, Bern Oulli, said. “Just seeing them gives me flashbacks.”
Adam Kogen • Apr 1, 2025 at 11:57 pm
Clearly, the participants of the study have never felt the RUSH of converting triple integrals from cylindrical to spherical coordinates!
Katie Arnoult • Apr 1, 2025 at 3:24 pm
I love all the math puns! I, too, have become depressed due to math class
Bella Kim • Apr 1, 2025 at 1:02 pm
LOVE. Jaya, your cartoon is sooo funny. Did you get this study from Harvard?
Jaya Eapen • Apr 1, 2025 at 6:51 pm
I did! How did you know?