This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Teachers at Los Alamitos High School are getting concerned that students are spending more time in the bathroom than in the classroom. What started with a “bathroom break” has now turned into full residency in the bathroom for many Griffins, with some students bringing in decorations, snacks and even furniture.
“I honestly don’t know what’s going on anymore,” teacher Mr. Robinson said.
Teachers have reported students vanishing into the bathroom for the entire period, only coming out when the bell rings. The situation has worsened to the point where some students now treat the place like a personal lounge.
“We caught one kid chilling on the couch while watching a TV that was mounted on the wall,” an LAHS janitor said.
The school attempted to add staff in the bathrooms to prevent students from staying in there for longer than five minutes and only for doing their business. This measure failed, since now students are in complete control of the bathroom, and there are students who guard the entrance and require a $5 fee to enter.
“It’s not just a bathroom anymore. It is a work of art and a place where everyone is welcome — if you can pay,” senior Chase Smith said.
There are now rumors of some students “renting” bathroom stalls with test answers, and some stalls are used to trade snacks.
LAHS administration is still trying to come up with a solution, but at this rate, the school is going to have to add “Bathroom Residency” to the student handbook.
Jasmine Lee • Apr 1, 2025 at 12:37 pm
Loved this! Very funny and I loved your quotes
Christopher Pagan • Apr 1, 2025 at 12:37 pm
This is hilarious! I wonder what the property value of the bathrooms are…