This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — Teachers are now in their own world during class, not having to worry about moderating students during lectures. Students constantly sport at least one AirPod in one of their ears, saving teachers from the daunting task of speaking and being listened to. For the eighth time this week, a student filed a complaint with Los Alamitos High School administration about his AirPod running out of battery during class, forcing him to interact with his peers. 

“Our AirPods were designed with active noise-canceling technology specifically with students in mind,” Tim Cook, CEO of Apple Inc., said. “Control what you hear and what you don’t.”

Apple has sold over 600 million AirPods to high school students in the U.S., and surveys show that 112% of LAHS students use them to tune out teachers during class and think about their crashing grades with a smile on their face.

“I just feel so happy and at peace whenever I see my students completely ignoring me and my lecture; I also love when they ask me what matter is when I only repeated it 17 times in my lecture,” Ms. Adams, an LAHS chemistry teacher, said.

Teachers have now completely given up on trying to stop these students from interrupting them during class lectures. They have taken a step back and accepted the fact that they will never get through to their students. However, a new contraption is now being considered to fix this problem.

“Yondr is now expanding to AirPod Pouches to create a bud-free space,” Graham Dugoni, founder and CEO of Yondr, said.

Yondr, the company that has been locking up student cellphones without trial all year, is opening up to new horizons now with their AirPod Pouches rolling out into schools on April 1. Students are preemptively hiring lawyers to defend their AirPods’ rights to a jury by their peers, but for now, say goodbye to AirPods and hello to AirPod Pouches that definitely guarantee a completely distraction-free space.