This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.
LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – As of today, April 1, news of a man named Thims Doobee has taken the media by storm. Doobee claims his family has lived on their planet, Elotsouy, for centuries. They disliked new arrivals and publicly remarked that those whose family was not born on the planet’s soil should be disposed of. Doobee called H.E.A.T. (High-priority Execution for Alien Transfers) to facilitate the removal of these intruders.
Spurring this event, a family intergalactically moved to Elotsouy and became Doobee’s neighbor. Tensions rose, causing Doobee to make the situation public. Upon this incident, definitely-confirmed-native-Elotsouy inhabitant Atokad Wudwuds spoke.
Regarding the crossed-out words, Elotsouy law requires that those without the approved background cannot be quoted over 13 words in the press.
Doobee and kin started urging even more aggressively the exclusion of people from foreign planets and galaxies from Elotsouy through an advertising campaign for the Humanation Act.
“I don’t like these foreign aliens now living with us. It isn’t their land,” Doobee said.
Elotsouy’s government took these sentiments into account and concurred that there will be an in-depth inspection of citizenship records that date back to Elotsouy’s first arrivals from intergalactic travel, including those who arrived by colonialism, planetary war and exploration via the Intergalactic Enlightenment. After this inspection, about 70-80% of the planet’s population is predicted to be deported if the Humanation Act is carried out.
Due to strong advocacy for the act, the Elotsouy government passed it into law on April 1. Doobee has been formally removed from the planet, as a state investigation found that his family arrived on Elotsouy during the Intergalactic Enlightenment.
