LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. – Whether in Laguna Beach, Los Alamitos or East L.A., you can always count on finding shining trailer trash walking like penguins out on the streets. Broke-boy aesthetic, dumpster denim, Y2k – nobody knows how to classify the timeless JNCOs and empyres; aspiring influencers and models known throughout Los Alamitos High School as the gang bangers can be found advertising the jeans.

Either taking humbleness to the extreme or revealing a hatred for flashiness, the cheapest pair of JNCOS only costs your firstborn child.

“I have dozens of JNCOs, but they’re not that expensive. The most I paid for a pair was $2 million,” Richie Dickie, an LAHS freshman, said.

Clearly, the jeans are made with such rich material that they weigh down to the floor. Followers of this fashion trend appear to be bathroom-obsessed geeks who can’t wait to pull their pants down on the way to the bathroom; this might be why these so-called gang bangers are always found lurking near the restrooms on campus.

What a clever fashion statement, too! Apparently, appearing as psychopathic criminals wearing a disproportionate jean-to-tee ratio with gigantic pockets as attractive/obnoxious as seeing overpriced boxers has the same effect as a well-written Not Guilty Plea; both execute rare, convincing qualities. With rising generations absorbed in loud trends, the thuggish look convincingly drives wild minds to think more conservatively regarding styling.

“My average fit… I don’t really care. I think a lot of people try too hard and end up wearing a hideous mix of the ugliest trends from 2017. But not me,” Dickie said.

Quite shockingly, these adorable men face minimal struggles surrounding outside opinion; it almost feels difficult not to give them an envious side-eye.

“I only get bullied by people who wear skinny jeans,” Dickie said.

Innovative, iconic and intentional – the campaign ultimately leans towards the preppy era of the 2000s when dirty-monied stoners wore satanic worship pieces from brands like Affliction Clothing. Say goodbye to the distorted, underground club daydream infiltrating LAHS with the classically stylish shin-high empyres, JNCOS and body-shaping T-shirt.

Ultimately, the “impossibly low-rise JNCOS, empyres and men’s nightgown” fit gets the job done! Posing as a player/scrub straight out of “Boyz n the Hood” brings back LAHS to its roots, carrying a nostalgic sex appeal and pushing the boundaries of conservatism to a level never seen before.