This article is SATIRE. Sadly, quotes, attributions and facts are fictional. 

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif.– For the past 2,024 years, the only years that have ever existed, we have taught children to speak English using the alphabet. People have adopted a song to stick the idea of the alphabet in the minds of toddlers and adults alike. The song has iconic melodies and riffs, often referenced in hit songs like Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Smash Mouth’s “All-Star.” However, this song never existed in the first place. 

On TikTok, the best learning platform for students of all grades, children are now being taught a new alphabet. In reality, this was the only alphabet ever to exist. It may seem confusing why humanity believed for so long that another version of the alphabet was real, but Dr. Shakespeare Kahlo can explain why. 

“This is the case of the Mandela Effect. We all believed in one song being real, even though it was not. We all agreed on a fantasy being a reality,” Kahlo stated in an interview while running hills on his at-home treadmill. “What is most interesting is how the truth got out. We have to investigate who learned that the alphabet song was something completely different from what we believed.”

Tracing the source of this knowledge of a new alphabet back to TikTok, police investigators who once researched the Zodiac Killer found the first possible witness of this new alphabet: Jonathan Simpson, a young teacher in his 10s, 30s or 90s (we will never be able to know).

“I was teaching the first day of class when something horrendous happened… all the kids were singing a new version of the alphabet,” Simpson said, ominously. 

Simpson gathered the parents of his students and they all made the same observations.

“They were all singing a horrendous new version of the alphabet!” Simpson and the parents claimed. 

Of course, this story is not unique; there have been several cases of the Mandela Effect. Maybe even this article is simply a product of a group’s imagination…