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LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — In a decision that shocked everyone just as much as the sun rising each morning, Netflix has canceled yet another award-winning and universally beloved TV series. This time on the chopping block was The Case of the Missing Final Season (formerly known as the Chronicles of Absolute Perfection), which had a score of 106.3% on Rotten Tomatoes, billions of viewers worldwide and was described as “literally the best show ever created” by The New York Times.

Why? To increase funding for the 32 seasons of the inexplicably authorized show Nobody Asked for This, an impossibly low-budget reality show, which was declared “the most aggressively boring show ever made” by The Washington Post, featuring unbearably slow, pointless content like paint drying, a man reading random numbers and an endless blinker at an empty intersection. Each episode is a masterclass in tedium, designed to make viewers question their choice of entertainment.

“Honestly, we think people want quality shows, but it’s easier to create something they can play in the background while they scroll on TikTok. Also, our stockholders were concerned that the show didn’t have enough scenes of people standing while awkwardly discussing their relationships—wait, can we delete that part?” said Netflix’s head of Content Strategy, Amy Stake.

Critically Acclaimed? Say Goodbye. Unwatchable Trash? Here’s 12 Seasons.

This isn’t the first time they have terminated a show at its peak; just two months ago, Netflix canceled I Swear I’m Fine With This, a darkly comedic coming-of-age drama about an awkward teen discovering her terrifying supernatural abilities, right before the story got good.

Just a few years ago, in 2019, they canceled Anna with an A, a beautifully shot period drama about a fiery, imaginative red-headed orphan who challenges societal norms in a small town, only for the network to claim it “didn’t fit their content strategy”.

In the aftermath of the global backlash, Netflix’s response was to double down on its content strategy:

• Shows canceled after having more than eight episodes: Anything good or Anything risky.
• Shows renewed for eight unnecessary seasons: because their algorithm shows that it’s cheap to produce, requires zero writing effort, and somehow these shows trend on TikTok for three months at most. 
• Spin-offs nobody asked for: Statistics showed that audiences loved Young Walter White (set in a preschool), so they’re creating more just like it!

“Listen, renewing Emily in Paris for five more seasons was part of our deal with the devil. We can’t get out of that,” said Netflix CEO Robyn Banks.

What subscribers have to say:

Fans, as always, are so excited to get another season of Nobody Asked for This. Enthralled with the idea of getting the same monotonous plot and watching their favorite character leave the show, audiences are overflowing with anticipation. 

“It’s like Netflix is personally with me, they know exactly what I love to watch, so obviously it will get canceled right away,” said Netflix consumer, Rita Storey.

Another user shared their appreciation for this new Content Strategy that Netflix has adopted.

“I think they cancel good shows to train us not to get attached. Soon, we’ll accept anything just to have background noise. That’s how Emily in Paris is still alive,” said Noah Pinion, an 11-year Netflix subscriber.

Despite the outrage, Netflix shows no signs of stopping, with the company’s latest announcement being A Documentary About a Documentary About the Guy Who Watched a Documentary.

“We actually considered renewing The Case of a Missing Final Season, but we needed the budget to fund a reboot of Barney & Friends starring Millie Bobby Brown,” said CEO Robyn Banks.

By now, fans will just have to get used to their favorite shows vanishing into thin air. Unless, of course, they involve people flirting with their eyes closed or attempting to cook five-star meals with a microwave and raw desperation.

And if that doesn’t work out? No problem. There’s always the next season of Big Mouth.

Disclaimer: Our source is completely reliable, this information was not tampered with whatsoever.