This article is SATIRE. Quotes, attributions and facts are fictional.

LOS ALAMITOS, Calif. — It starts off innocently enough, scrolling through your phone one evening when your favorite show pops up on the screen. “Just one episode,” you think; but this is where the danger begins.

The first episode of the night is never the last, it’s simply the gateway to the world of binge-watching. “It’s only 20 minutes, literally nothing!” you reason. But you have unintentionally opened a Pandora’s Box of regret.

The next thing you know, you’re eight episodes deep into a multi-season series with the end nowhere in sight. You swore you’d only watch one episode, but now you find yourself falling victim to the end-of-episode cliffhangers; at midnight.

As the credits roll at the end of each episode, you decide what determines your future. Your hand reaches for the remote as though it were second nature, and you skip past the credits to the next episode.

“Watching your favorite show releases dopamine equivalent to the feeling of falling asleep, making watching television an acceptable substitute for sleep,” Nat Flix, certified sleepologist and professional binge-watcher, said. 

Then, it hits 3:42 a.m., and you have officially become a zombie fueled by caffeine, potato chips and regret. You’ve reached the point of no return and have no solution other than to keep watching. You fight to overcome the battle of your growing tiredness, determined by the deep-fueled desire to have the closure you need about the varying plot lines within the series.

“Chronic binge-watching symptoms can include numb legs and emotional attachment to fictional characters,” Flix said.

As the sun rises, so does your disappointment as you find that the final episode ended on a cliffhanger. You desperately search Google in an attempt to find any comfort in the knowledge of another season on its way; surely, something will explain this abrupt ending. However, you only find that the show has been canceled. 

“Support is crucial for individuals who have fallen victim to the effects of canceled shows. This loss takes a toll on the mental state, often making it difficult for the victim to work and socialize,” Dizzy Plus, founder of cliffhanger support group “Hanging On,” said. 

The next weekend, you scroll through TikTok and find a viral edit from a new romance series with all of your favorite tropes and you immediately develop an unconquerable urge to begin watching immediately. So, you do, and the torturous cycle repeats.

Enjoy your descent into chaos! You will be tired and unproductive, but at least you will know what happens next, and really, that’s all that matters, right?